Only in NY

This week I went to two concerts in NYC.  Here's the story of number one:

On Monday, I went to see Alanis Morrisette at Terminal 5.  It was pretty darn crowded and all the early birds and fancy people, who had VIP passes, were able to see what was going on. I was just a regular girl who arrived on time.  Since I don't have a lot of friends who appreciate my taste in music - especially the "angry girl" artists that I tend to drift towards - I went by myself.

The funny thing is that I'm not generally an angry girl.  I'd consider myself experienced in life and, therefore, entitled to be me, but I'm not 'angry'.  There's something about "angry girl" music that connects me to them.  Maybe it's because we've all been there, regardless of our station in life.  And sometimes it's nice to think that even famous musicians get dumped.  I know there's a lot of music out there drafted by professional song writers but it's the singer/songwriter that I'm drawn to.  The rawness of the words.  The anger.  The desperation of wanting to be loved.  They write about it all.  They're different than country singer/songwriters who are more detailed about the events leading to their heartache.  "Angry chick" lyrics are all about saying eff you, you broke my heart and here's what's left.  Even the music that supports these words is pissed off.  Anyway, Alanis is undoubtedly the poster child for "angry chick" music - and I love her!

I walked into a sweltering, hot theater with very high ceilings and wrap-around balconies on 2 higher floors.  There was also an open-air rooftop bar that you were able to enjoy while you puffed your life away.  I wandered around from floor to floor to find a place to stand.  Unfortunately, there are a lot more Alanis fans than I thought there would be.  A large portion of them were gay men and younger females - straight and gay.  Some of the straight girls dragged poor, unsuspecting men with them.  This kind of annoyed me because these "non-fans" were taking up prime real estate at a concert for an artist that I was a fan of. These guys weren't interested in being there.  They were suffering through "pissed-off chick" tunes in order to get lucky.  They were most likely lured into going to the show by their whimpering GF who held booty over their heads - yes, heads.  Both of them.

Anyway, Alanis popped on stage after her husband "Souleye" performed.  Souleye?!  Really?! M.C. Souleye to be exact.  Girls were bouncing up and down and gay boys were whispering to each other about how excited they were to be there.  On the upper floors, people were trying to catch a glimpse of the stage by kneeling down to look between the legs of the early birds.  I'm sorry but I'm not getting on my knees for Alanis, or, in fact, any musician (ok.  I'll admit it - there is an exception, my love, Eddie Vedder).

I stood around, unable to see and listened to Alanis screech.  I started to feel way too hot (peri-menopause is awesome at a concert in a hot theater).  I walked to the back of the room and found the only cool place in the joint.  I hung out there for a few songs and then decided that since I wasn't actually witnessing the show, I might as well go up and check out the roof.  I was in the middle of NYC and it was surprisingly peaceful.  There were a handful of people quietly chatting and I was able to watch the concert on a tv.  It was like being at home - except that I don't watch that much tv and if I did, I wouldn't be watching a concert.  I decided to relax, suck it up and enjoy the cool air.  With that, some people walked through the door and, BAM!, the peaceful atmosphere immediately vanished.  One of the members of the group was clearly the "I have to be the center of attention" type.  He spoke loudly and flitted about making everyone aware of his presence - whether we liked it or not.  I tend to be a magnet that attracts annoying people, so, naturally, he made his way over to where I was quietly sitting.  He called his friends over.  Fortunately, they convinced him to join them on the other side.  The two boys next to me sighed with relief at the same time I did.  We smiled simultaneously when they left after they smoked a couple of cigarettes.

Towards the end of the show, a very drunk gay boy danced past me, saw what I was doing and sang "Did you forget about me, Mrs. Duplicity, I hate to bug you in the middle of texting."  I loved it.  We laughed in unison.  On his way back from the bathroom, "Rick" introduced himself and we chatted about something insignificant that made us laugh.  In a matter of seconds, I noticed a bitter-looking 50something year old woman standing over Rick. While clutching a red, medium sized Macy's shopping bag, she sneered at me.  Then, without moving her wrinkled, lipstick stained mouth, she scolded Rick for taking too long.  He smiled at me and said a quick good-bye.  I laughed, shook my head and thought "Only I can make a gay man's hag jealous".  Only in NY.  Only me!!

Piercings

Scene:  Small, Local Grocery Store
Characters:
Girl Cashier: Sweet, Teenage Hipster with light Brown Eyes
Boy Cashier: Cute, Teenage Hispanic Boy
Customer: Tired,

Girl Cashier wears a light brown puff skirt, a muted dark green shirt, a brown cardigan sweater covered by her work apron.  She sports an off white floppy wool hat on the back of her head.

Boy Cashier wears jeans, two teeshirts (a short sleeve over a long sleeve one) a baseball hat with a curved brim.  The apron covers the design on his shirt.

Customer wears a blue wool coat with a wool brooch, a pink cotton scarf, nerdy eyeglasses in pale olive green, jeans, colorful clogs and carries a small pink wristlet.

Girl Cashier: [politely] $16.46 please.
Customer [gives her a $20 bill].
Girl Cashier: [gives back change]  Thank you.  Have a good day.
Customer: [smiles] Thank you.  You, too.
Girl Cashier:  [hands customer her two bags] Have a good day.
[seemingly out of nowhere] At one time I had about 5 piercings.
Boy Cashier [disinterested]  Where? [and walks away from the register]
Girl Cashier: [exchanges odd smiles with customer] Have a good day.
Customer: You, too.

A Few of My Favorite Websites

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Dreams That Make You Say "HUH?"

02/21/2012
I had a dream that we got new cars at work.  hahaahahahaha

Maybe tonight I'll dream that our contract will get settled.

02/22/2012

A rice eating contest?

Who could eat more handfuls of rice and the winner got $20,000?  WTF was that all about?

Incidentally, I won.  I ate 8 handfuls of cooked rice but got disqualified because I didn't properly register, so the girl who ate 7 handfuls won.

Saturday Night's Dream

What do you think a dream means when the following is involved:

A Gazebo
The Entrance Way and Living Room (with 1960s Decor)
A Wedding to Take Place in Said Gazebo
A Short A-Line Crochet Wedding Dress
A Tall, Red and Black Paper Tiara
A Tree
Bird of Paradise Flowers
A Japanese Style Floral Arrangement (for the Gazebo)
My Dad (who is deceased)
My Nan (who is deceased)
My Ex-husband (not deceased but re-married with 2 kids)
Hawaiian Shirts
A Blizzard During the Summer (thus delaying the Wedding Service)
My Girlfriends in Pastel Colored Jackie O Style Suits


Oh.... and Me in the Wedding Dress with an Updo and the Tiara (that made my forehead look big)


Seriously, all of those things were in one dream.

I Love the Rain!!

1. When it rains, it's not a good day to do much outside, except splash around in
puddles and catch raindrops on your tongue.
2. When it rains, the sounds it makes when it falls onto my house and beats upon my
windows is calming.
3. When it rains, I look forward to the sound of thunder and the sight of lightening.
4. When it rains, I love how the air feels and smells so clean and fresh.
5. When it rains, I am at peace when the mist comes through my window and falls onto
my face
6. When it rains, it's possible to see a rainbow or two.



Thanks Marc, you were the muse of the day!!!

My Nieces and Nephews

I can't think of everything all at once, so I'll update this as I remember and as things come up.


"Sno Vite vants something to draink." - E
"She think she's soo popularity."  - L
"Look at me and my popular hair." - L
"You can call me Sweetie.  Just don't call me Sweetner."  -S
"I'm sure he makes his mother proud" -A
"I'm allergic to penicillin!"
"Remember when Ruby was big at night and was small in the morning." - S
"What's a porn shop." -A
"Granny's a Pole Dancer." - A
"Allie Marina" - S
"Aunt Kelly is The Beast Aunt." - Al
"Thank you for the spac tac u lar outfit"

Funny Things My Family Will Never Forget

"Back in the days of Mandy"
"You dance in the star ballerina's place, ballerina's place, ballerina's place..."
Allan painting the brand new bathroom gold
"Everybody's got a hungry heart"
Bullwhips, a guitar, a stuffed iguana and Freddy and Freida Frog puppets are all things that Dad brought home from NYC
"Wiggy"
Shrimp Chow Mein (gross)
"Want a cup of coffee?"
"I don't care."

Things My Dogs Have Eaten

These two characters should have their own Blog. Pepper is the goofy one who is always in trouble. Gus is the straight dog who once caused some trouble back in his puppy days. My guess is that Gus tries to talk Peep out of getting into places she doesn't belong. Apparently, Pep thinks the punishment is worth the crime. Stay tuned.......


The other night, I discovered that Little Miss Pepper can get ONTO the kitchen counter.  I think Gus is involved and is given half the booty.  I can picture Gus lacing his paws together to give Peep her initial boost and then pushing her butt up while leaning against the cabinets.  Then Gus runs into the living room and peeps out the window with binoculars to make sure the coast is clear. 


The dog's Cirque de Soleil acrobatics would explain why the tomato went missing and there was a bite taken out of a peach a few weeks ago.  It would also explain how she got the banana out of a bowl that was about 1 1/2 feet from the edge and why half the peel was left on the counter. This time she ate a green pot scrubber, opened one of the dog treat canisters and ate about 4 Greenies.  There is also a yellow Handiwipe missing from the sink.  During the binge, Pepper also removed a plastic Popeye bowl from the sink because I think she needed something to drink.  

Pepper has successfully opened the cabinet door where the trash is stored.  She then figured out how to unlatch a squeeze together baby lock and then a push-down baby lock.  Her next trick was popping up a hook and eye and then unraveling the rubberband that held it closed.  Now there is a hook and eye on the cabinet with a locking mechanism on it.  She realized that she can sometimes pull the hook out of the wood.  She's a genius.


If anyone has a Nanny Cam, I'd love to set it up and make them a YouTube sensation!




Gus, The Little Brown Dog, has eaten the following:


1lb grated parmigiano reggiano




Pepper, The Little Beast, has eaten or chomped on the following:


A half a bag of Chick Peas
A box of Sno Caps (chocolate is very bad for dogs)
3/4 lb cottage cheese
Tea Bags
A brand new pair Naya light brown suede shoes (chomped on)
Sweater and shirts (chomped on while jumping)
Toilet paper
napkins and other paper products
1/2 of a boot box, shoe boxes and other types of cardboard
greeting cards
magazines
rubber dog toys
Wild Cherries
Gum (she likes to chew it)
Candy
flowers
dirt
poop (her's and Gus's - gag)
Q-Tips and other bathroom trash
Vegetable peelings - potatoes, carrots, etc
Tin Foil
Saran Wrap
Egg shells
Anything that falls on the floor
Sour crab apples
Burt's Bees papaya lip balm
Stuff she's taken out of my purses
Food on the table if I forget to push in the chair
Bill's pizza
5 Ravioli with sauce
The sweeper part of the vacuum
Dead birds
a yellow handiwipe
a plastic bowl from caffe laguna
a green scrubbing pad
a banana
a tomato
half a peach
Caps from plastic bottles
Orange juice containers
about a pound of old Halloween chocolate  (1st expensive vet bill)
dryer sheets
uncooked orzo and pastina
a couple of plastic dog toys
3/4 lb cottage cheese
the fuzz off 2 mini tennis balls
bit holes through 2 tin cans
about a dozen butternut squash ravioli
2 pears
Lemonheads
a bag of M&Ms
a sandwich bag of cashews & almonds (2nd major vet bill)
plastic lids for open cans
more chocolate = sick tummy AGAIN
bagels that were meant for my breakfast date
cat poop (gross)
anything that she pulls out of the garbage
plastic forks and sporks
whatever is in the kitchen sink

Funny Things I've Recently Heard

"Jersey shore called and they want their shirts back."

"And all my pink parts are clean."

"Did you get happy?"

Question:   "Do you know who Melody Gardot is?"
Answer:     "Yes, I'm really into actors and movies."
Comment:  "She's not an actor, she's a jazz singer."
Reply:        "What's her name again?"

"I was hoping you'd take my shirt home."
"Why"
"So you could smell me when you're not here."
(Note: sweaty gym socks is not something I want to smell at any time.)

Her: "You fat.  An I ain't neva tell no one theys fat."
Me:  "Yeah, but I'm still a sexy bitch."

Witty Things I've Said Today 09/10/10

She goes through men like a kid goes through popsicles on a hot day.

Witty Things I've Said Today 09/08/10

"You're like an oak tree - shady


"Swapping BB Pin Numbers is like internet 2nd base - under the shirt"


"If I did a cartwheel now, I'd break my arms."


"Puma - the softer, more youthful version of the Cougar."

Witty Words by Me 09/07/10

Skinny Guys Suck!


I'm in 3D, so don't forget your glasses


Who doesn't love potato filled dough?  Gnocci is the zeppoli of pasta.


Real boobs rule!