Fat Girl PJs

I was at the laundromat last night and a 5 year old girl wanted to help me fold, so I let her. She picked up my reindeer pjs, smiled and asked “Are these your pajamas?” Happy that she liked my sleeping fashion sense I smiled back and said “Yes. They are.” She very innocently replied, “They’re big because you're fat.” She was delegated to sorting socks.

Flower Purse

I walked into Trader Joe's wearing jeans, a flannel shirt and distressed red Chucks.  The big. shiny, fancy flowered purse that hung on my arm definitely clashed with this ensemble but that's pretty much how I dress all the time.

I was slowly making my way to the TJ Frosted Flakes when I realized someone was talking to me.  She was one of two Russian ladies dressed up like they were going to a tea party.

Lady: [Speaking with thick Russian accent]: "I lave your baahg."

Me:[Smiling]: "Oh!  Thank you!"

Russian lady: "Whhhere  deed you get eet?  Eetalee?"

Me: [Thinking momentarily about telling the truth or a fib]: No.  Alabama.
The truth was funnier to me

Russian lady: [looking insulted]  oh.

I smiled as I walked away.  Then I thought that I should've mentioned how inexpensive it was.

She avoided me the rest of the time I was at the store...

Ghosts Can Whistle

The wind carried the tune
Across the narrow road.
Whistles that reminded me
Of long ago happy times.

The pitch caught my attention
And made me hold my breath.
I felt my father in the air.
On that autumn day.

I didn't want the day to end.
Or mosquitos to send me in.
The breeze was as perfect
As the random notes I heard.

Denial....

I watched as she begged, pleaded
And nervously laughed.
"Come for a bike ride!", she giggled.
"Let me pet your dog!", she demanded.
She was so desperate to see him.
As he hid inside behind the curtains.
"You have to. I'm feeling sad."
She attempted to gain sympathy.
Instead I heard frustration. 
"My parents aren't home."
"You have two dogs of your own."
If he wanted to be with her,
He would have swiftly broken
His parents' rules.
However, his made-up excuses fell
upon the deaf ears
Of a young girl in denial.

50 and Still Dating!

I'm back at it again...

I recently turned 50 and, last night, I decided to start checking out a dating website.  This one is OVER 50!!!  How am I 50?  When did that happen?  Would someone please let me know where the past 10 years went?

I've gained a bunch of weight since the last time I officially dated and I've been very self-conscious about it.  Something happened on Feb 27 - I stopped feeling that way.  I looked amazing at my party and I'm not afraid to admit it!  However, I don't like being large because it's uncomfortable and I don't like how I present myself at work, so I started losing weight.   My doctor prescribed a medication that's used for diabetes but "off-label" it's being used for weight loss.  I'm two clicks away from the big D and stroking out due to my high blood pressure and all the other medical phenomina that exist in this body of mine.

I signed up for the over 50 dating site because I was interested to see who was on there.  Ummm - it seems like serial killers and men with crazy eyes are the only ones available!  Where are all the good divorced guys?

Stay tuned for some new adventures....

Pain As I Know It

I live with chronic pain. No, I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's real pain and I guess it's payback because of my childhood behavior.  But I don't think I was bad enough to be blessed with feeling like I have the flu on most days. You know that pain, right?  Like a truck ran you over and then backed up to do it again.  It's as though I ran 10 miles and got the crap beat out of me at the finish line. Aching muscles and feeling bruised.

Waking up is always a blast.  I look more like an 89 year old than a once fit 49 year old whose job sometimes requires strength and endurance.  My dogs start to whine at about 7am, if I'm lucky. After a night of tossing and turning to find the right position, I whine back.  Sleeping straight through the night, or for a good few hours, is a mixed blessing to those of us with invisible illnesses.  Yes, it's nice to see you slept for more than a few hours but with every hour of actual sleep, another body part stiffens up.  With my eyes closed, I assess my physical being. A typical morning usually goes like this:
Left leg has pins & needles,
Left hand the same but with pain so bad it's as though Freeze Meister has taken up residence in my bones.
Headache or no headache?  Is it weather related or from grinding my teeth?
My back is so stiff that I think I have a Plaster of Paris cast on my torso.
Arms up - Crack. Crack. Crack. Pop. Ahhh
Swing legs to the side of the bed. They weighlike 600lbs.....Each.
I roll on to my stomach and slither off my very high bed.
Ouch. I forgot my foot is still asleep.
Slippers on. I push myself up (half way). As I walk into the kitchen, my posture improves like that human evolution picture. Ugh.  My hip.

Funeral For A Hero

There is nothing more moving than experiencing  a police funeral.

Hearing trumpets playing "Taps" in the distance.
Feeling the weight of the helicopters flying over in unison leaving one space empty for the deceased.

Witnessing the final procession being led by bagpipers somberly walking as drummers beat a dirge which gets louder and louder.

The body of a hero passing by one final time in a hearse covered with flowers.

The family members being escorted by the department protecting them in vehicles with tinted windows.

Through the dark windows you get an unexpected glimpse of a wife holding their infant child, a exhausted mother resting her head on a strong shoulder, a child wearing his father's police cap staring in awe or a sister pressing a hand on the window whispering "Thank you. Thank you."